The International Vampire Alliance for Human Survival tonight announced their most drastic and unprecedented move yet - the overnight conversion of hundreds of influential political, business and media figures, and many of the 2014 Climate Summit delegates, into bloodsucking creatures of the night.
Vampires were quick to point out that climate legislation would be good for humans. "Of course we care about the environment," said eight-hundred year old vampire Neills Carson. "But mainly, we care about humans - they're our primary food source. And if you guys are all crowded up around Siberia and Canada, fighting for space and getting drowned in tsunamis and dying of malaria and famines in fifty years or so, well, let's just say that things are going to get ugly. I sure as hell don't want to live through another century of the Black Death - do you?"
The Climate Summit is scheduled to proceed despite the scores of representatives who have been "changed." Summit meetings and votes will now be held between 8 p.m. and dawn, while human delegates volunteered en masse to offer personal blood donations, which reportedly are rather pleasant.Vampire ecologist William McGreer, Ph.D, commented on the critical importance of the outcome of the Climate Summit. "Saving humans is vital to the vampire food chain. If humanity experiences a serious population decline, other species will survive, perhaps even thrive, but not us." He concluded, "It's painful to admit, but even as a far superior species, with all our power, technology, immortality, indefatigable strength and speed, and supernatural beauty... unfortunately, we still kind of need them."